


What It Is To Be Both

by WolfwithSnakeEyes



Category: Glee
Genre: Boy-Girl Kurt, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfwithSnakeEyes/pseuds/WolfwithSnakeEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel has a secret... a secret not even his father can never know. What happens is by chance two certain jocks come across this secret? Lets find out...</p>
            </blockquote>





	What It Is To Be Both

Kurt looked struck, “It’s just a room Finn. We can redecorate it if you want to.”

Finn surged forward, “Okay.” He pointed at the lamp, “The first thing that needs to go is that faggy lamp, and that faggy blanket.”

Kurt took a visible step back, wrapping his arms further around himself. His eyes began to tear over before they hardened.

“You don’t get it dude. You make me uncomfortable. You constantly come on to me and everyone else at school. You say you don’t, but I think you do. You manipulate everyone around you. Like Rachel, don’t think I don’t know about that. And Karofsky says you’ve been giving him looks. They push you away because you forced them to. You push and you push and you push.”

“Hey!” They both turned to see Burt standing there.

“Dad,” Kurt almost whimpered at the look his dad was giving him.

“Is that true Kurt? Do put advances on these boys, make them uncomfortable?” Burt demanded.

“I-“ he didn’t know how to answer that. No he didn’t make advances on the other boys. He hadn’t made advances on Finn in months. After coming to the realization that all they could be was friends. He saw Finn as a brother, someone to take care of him. He was wrong. But yes he made the other boys uncomfortable, and he had a feeling that that was the only thing his father would zero in on right now.

Burt looked murderous, “I expected so much more from you.” He turned to a wide-eyed Finn. “Come on Finn I think you and your mother will go home tonight and this weekend we’ll work on cleaning out my office so that you can sleep there, where your more comfortable. My son has a lot to think about in regards to his actions.”

Kurt flinched.

“No, Burt you don’t understand I-“ Finn tried. He saw Kurt sinking in on himself.

“Finn now,” Burt commanded and the boy hustled. You could get burned by the glare Burt was giving off. No wonder Kurt had the iciest glares imaginable when he was upset, especially if this is what he was subjected to at home.

“Yes sir.” He needed to talk to his mom. She would set it straight, talk to Burt, and let the man know that Kurt wasn’t in the wrong. He knew Kurt had backed off a while ago. They boy was really just trying to fit in. He just never fit the mold.

“You boy will stay down here. No TV, no IPod, no laptop. You’re grounded Kurt until further notice.”

Finn caught the final flinch as he walked out the door with Burt. He had thought the man had been accepting of his son.

Kurt let himself curl in as he held his arms against his chest. He knew it was too good to be true. He knew his father wasn’t as accepting as he made himself out to be. Burt had just tried for the sake of Kurt’s mother, nothing more.

He knows that his father has a hard time loving him, always had. The man always strained at finding things to love about Kurt. He tried to find the manly things to bond over: fishing, camping, hunting, tracking, football, basketball, baseball, and hockey. And Kurt learned it all. In fact he was good at most of it. The only real manly thing that Kurt enjoyed though had been mechanics. He loved taking apart cars and putting them back together. And that was enough… for a while.

As Kurt grew older, the tea parties turned into makeover parties. Baseball turned into dance. Hunting turned into shopping. Fishing turned into baking. He branched out of his father’s normal scale more so than he had ever attempted in the past. He became more feminine.

He found out a few years ago exactly what he was. He was what the LGBT pinned as genderqueer, or if you wanted to pin him with a title, an androgyne. Androgynes possess both feminine and masculine traits, adopting an androgynous identity when it came to gender. He knew all about it and his subset in the transgender community. He just hadn’t gotten up the nerve to tell his dad. Especially because he was what most would call a femandro meaning he was a little more feminine then masculine. He would call his percentage sixty-five feminine and thirty-five masculine.

He didn’t think he was totally male or female. He wasn’t really gay, not in the way most people thought he was. He still liked boys and found no interest girls, but that was explained, he was a girl… as well as a guy.

He couldn’t tell his dad now. He’d never accept him/her. Was it weird that he may identify more as a female but he still called himself a he? Kurt didn’t think so.

Kurt sunk down to the floor. He felt himself crumble to pieces. His father couldn’t accept even a little of him, there was no way he would accept the whole of him.

It was four days later from the ‘incident’ and his father had lessoned his grounding. He still wasn’t allowed his laptop of the TV, but he could listen to music and bake. Which was what he was currently doing. He had just taken out the last of the muffins, chocolate fudge with caramel, and put them on the rack to cool.

He had a plan for the afternoon, as he was going to be all alone. His dad was in Columbus and would be until tomorrow morning, picking up a shipment for the shop. So he had decided to make his favorite muffins, pamper himself, dress as he liked, and gorge himself on said muffins with a half scoop of vanilla non-fat ice cream.

He took his apron off and hung it up and headed back down to his basement-bedroom, now cleared of all decorations. He left his door open to still hear the radio from the kitchen on a low hum and danced to his bathroom.

He bathed, luxuriating in the bubble bath and scented oils. Smiling to himself he reached up and grabbed his razor. He didn’t use it on his face, he didn’t need to as he never grew hair there, but rather his legs and under arms. He didn’t worry about shaving his privates. He used to do that but the razor burn was something terrible, so he had started to get it waxed at a little place about 45 minutes out of Lima, so he was nice and smooth there already. After finishing that he applied his lotion to all the areas he shaved and addressed his face, applying the special creams. He proceeded to wrap a towel around himself and headed for the kitchen to grab a plateful of muffins, deciding to forgo the ice cream.

He brought the muffins down to the basement and placed them on his bed, waiting and ready.

Next he walked over to his vanity and smiled at his reflection. He opened the right drawer and pulled out his makeup bag, not his glee makeup bag, but rather his real makeup bag. It had all natural color tones with very little that were more exciting. If he wanted that then he would have grabbed his glee bag, but no he wanted to be himself.

He applied the makeup slowly with a practiced hand. First the foundation, not that he really needed it, but it kept his natural blush under control covering most of it. Then he added a little blush on the roses of his cheek. Next he lined his eyes in a slate grey because it made his eyes pop, while adding a two toned eye shadow and some mascara. Lastly was his sheer lip gloss that made his lips look plump and he smiled.

He leaned away from the mirror while pulling out his bald cap as well as his wig. He put on the cap covering his hair and walking to his closet.

He riffled around in the chest at the very back that was hidden from view trying to decide on his outfit. He only had a few dresses, which was what he wanted to wear right now. He settled on a white sundress that had rectangular fit at the top and puffed at the waist giving him shape. He pulled out his white bra, a pair of cotton panties, and his breast cups, which were small, about A cups in size but they suited him.

He quickly dressed in his undergarments before stepping into the dress and zipping it up. He decided to forgo shoes because he was just going to be lying in bed and enjoying his freedom. So instead he slipped on his pink fuzzy socks and laughed daintily.

He loved days like this. Where his father wasn’t around and he could be whoever he wanted. Dressed how he wanted. Honestly he’d prefer edgier dressed, more modern, but the only ones he owned were the ones he salvaged from his mother.

He only got to do this every couple of months, but when he was able to be his whole self he reveled in it.

He backed out of his closet, closing the door; he turned to his vanity and slipped the wig on with a practiced hand, when he heard a choking sound. He whirled around and his eyes widened. There was Puck and Finn sitting on his bed.

“Kurt?” Finn asked after a second.

Kurt’s eyes widened and he knew he was in shock for a moment. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t be. He shook his head and he knew he felt tears rolling down his cheeks then.

The boys watched struck as Kurt let out a sob and then ran for the bathroom, slamming the door, and then the sound of retching.

“Wha-what just happened?” Finn asked.

“I… think we may have just come across his secret.” Puck answered.

“What should we do man?” Finn looked just as frozen as Kurt had a moment ago.

“Maybe… talk to him,” Puck said as he broke the stillness and began walking to the door. Finn was only a second behind him.

Puck could hear muffled sobs and hectic breathing on the other side of the door just before he opened it. He opened it a crack to peer in before opening wider so that Finn could see too. Kurt was on the floor, curled in on himself, crying and shaking his head.

Puck approached slowly, as Finn stayed back still unsure. Finn was never good at handling crying. Puck was an expert though. He had his mother and his sister after all. Puck bent down and placed his hand on Kurt’s hunched shoulder.

“Kurt,” Puck spoke softly, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I-you, I just,” Kurt cried.

“Shh, hey there, shh,” Puck pulled Kurt out of his curled up ball and into his open thighs as he crouched down, and to his chest. “Take a breath.” Kurt took a startled breath. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

It took a moment, but when Kurt spoke it was so soft. Finn only heard it because he moved from his place at the door to just behind Kurt, the boy unaware he was there. “You can’t find out, can’t know. He can’t know.”

“What can’t he know?” Puck asked.

“This, me… about me.”

“What about you?”

“I’m different, I’m wrong. More wrong then, then I should be.” Kurt cried his face still on Puck’s shoulder. Puck looked up at Finn.

“Because you’re gay? Being gay isn’t wrong Kurt. Because you dress like a girl? Lots of men like to do that, there is a bar in town devoted to it one night a week.” Puck informed the boy.

“No, it’s n-not that,” Kurt let out a dry sob, “I don’t like to dress like a girl as a boy… I’m a girl… I’m a girl and a b-boy. I’m both. I’m a freak.”

“Kurt you need to explain that a little better,” Puck asked confused.

“I’m an androgyne,” Kurt whispered. “That’s what I’m called.”

Puck looked at Finn to see him on his phone, typing in the word that Kurt had mumbled. Finn’s eyes widened a bit as he read over the information, before handing the phone to Puck. Puck looked down and read over the information.

“A type of transgender. Someone who is androgynous in gender, relating to both genders, and part of the third gender party.”

Kurt flinched.

“That’s why you dress the way you do?” Puck asked. “Because you are both a boy and a girl.” Puck lifted the skirt a little in his fingers. “But you only do this at home, dress in dresses that is?”

Kurt nodded, “My d-dad doesn’t know, I only, I’m only myself with no one else around.”

“But dude, your dad would be cool with it.” Finn tried.

Puck could feel Kurt begin to shiver, and Kurt shook his head into his shoulder. “N-no, he barely a-accepts me as gay… that’s to different. B-but I-I’m not gay, b-because I’m both a boy and a girl and and-“ Puck shushed him as his breath started to become erratic. Kurt took a breath and looked at Finn, “N-no one believed me, n-no one cared. I tried to be myself, in Glee. I thought I could, but Mr. Schue wouldn’t let me. If Mr. Schue can’t handle it, how will my dad.”

“You told Mr. Schue,” Finn asked.

Kurt turned back into Puck, “I tri-tried. He just thought I felt more comfortable with the girls because they were nicer. He didn’t believe me. He thought I was trying to get out of hanging with the boys. I wasn’t, I’m a girl… I’m a girl and a boy.”

Puck looked up at Finn again, a vicious snarl on his lips.

About an hour and a half later, after they had finally gotten Kurt to calm down and the boy to fall asleep, Finn sat with Puck at the kitchen table munching on the leftover muffins.

“It explains so much,” Puck said.

Finn’s head snapped up, “We’ve been throwing a girl into the dumpster.”

“Crap.”

“Dude this is huge, I don’t even know what to do.”

Puck looked up at Finn, “We take care of K. You’re about to become his brother more then likely, and he won’t be just a brother, but a sister too, and if anyone had done what we had to Kurt to my sister, they’d be dead.”

Puck could see the resolve in Finn’s eye. The hardened steel that only a brother could hold for a sister glinted harshly in the fluorescent lights.


End file.
